Disappointment

Just a warning:

(I am now stepping onto my soap box)

What do you think is the worst feeling in the whole wide world? Well to me it's disappointment. Not just that feeling of when something you are expecting to happen falls through and changes abruptly, but when the people who you trust, respect, and even love disappoint you. It feels like they take a knife right to your heart and try to rip it out! I don't know if i'm blind, naive, or just plain stupid but in the cases of people that have disappointed me it's come to me as a complete and total shock. For me it's always been people who have been very close to me and who have meant a lot to me in my life. I have to say that it really just makes you want to cry, pray for them, and try to understand why they did what they did. Unfortunately in my cases it has cost me many a friendship and I think has really scared me as a person when it comes to friendships, trusting people, and keeping true to the person I want to be.

I guess what I'm trying to say and from what I've experienced is that the people you grow up knowing sometimes turn into people who you never thought they'd be come and do things that you never thought they would do. An example, I know that your supposed to be young and dumb and your apparently supposed to live by the motto YOLO (you only live once), But for me I've never been like that and I've always been more, if you will, mature than most of my peers and have chose not to participate in immature activities. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, and I don't feel that I will die if I don't have a boyfriend every second of my life! I like to blog, I love to bake, I love to take pictures, I love going to bible study and church, I love following rodeo, and I love to listen to old music to name a few things. Does this make me a bad person? Nope it means that I stand up for what I believe in and don't try to conform myself to fit some stupid society standard! Do I hide my true feelings about a lot of what I like? You bet I do. It's not cool to like half the things that I like and I'm just not 100% confident yet in completely opening up. I'm sure trying but it is truly a hard and scary thing to do! I am getting there though. Blogging has honestly helped me open up a lot. I have finally found people, who I have never met in person remind you, who I have more in common with than people I've tried to be friends with for years!

Back to the disappointing thing. So many people I have known who have disappointed me have tried to conform themselves to be what society things is "cool" and have changed themselves to fit in. What is so confusing to me is why they would want to hide the true selves just to fit in with the rest of society. In so many cases people end up regretting what they do. I just wish I had the power to stop them and help them see that it's ok to be a little different from everyone else. That there are better people to associate with and that I don't care how bad you think your life is alcohol is never, I MEAN NEVER, a way to solve your problems! Also I wish they would think about what they are doing now and how it could effect themselves and those that they love. Do you want to bring them that type of pain?

 But until I find a way to help them, and the courage, I guess all that I can do now is pray for them.

Deep Breath

(Down off soap box)

Thank you for listening to my rant!

PS If you want to disappoint me and do something that is stupid please don't expect me to be OK with it and know that we may not be on good terms anymore. Just an FYI!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------It was so ironic that what's going on in my life right now 2 of my favorite bloggers were writing about some of my same feelings. I really wish you all would check out these 2 girl's blogs. They are two awesome sisters who I guess were feeling rather inspired in the same night because they both wrote about similar topics and did a great job of expressing their feeligns. Below are the links to their blog posts I'd like you to read.

Adrian Buckaroogirl- An Opinion
Buckaroo Barbie- How to be a Bad Ass